CONFESSIONS OF A MOM

I don’t want a girl. I’ve said this for many years, and there are varying reasons. First, I’ve taught a boy dominate classroom and a girl dominate classroom. I’ll take the boys any day. Yes they’re draining physically, but the emotional strain from the girls, (even at 5) was almost more than I could take.

Growing up if someone asked me how many kids I wanted, I’d always say, “At least one boy and one girl and then whatever else The Lord sees fit to send me.” I always thought everyone needed the experience with both genders. Obviously that opinion has changed over the years.

But there more reasons behind my statement. I’ve wanted boys for so long, and I feel Tigger needs a brother to play with that I’m afraid if we ever did end up with a girl that she would be resented in a way. I don’t want to look at her and think that she should have been . . . Why did she make it and Lion didn’t . . .? I don’t want Reed to think somewhere down the line that he wished she was a boy. (Although I’m not sure what brother doesn’t think that of a sister every once in a while.) I just don’t want any room for resentment.

That being said, I remember talking to my mom while pregnant with Lion and saying something to the effect of, “I’m afraid I’m going to have to do this again because we’re having a boy.” I’m not sure if that was because everyone says since I don’t want a girl that I’m going to have one or if that means there’s a little girl waiting to join our family. I’ve pondered that many nights since, especially since I’m not shy in saying I really do not like being pregnant.

Then the other week Tigger, Hubby, and I were sitting on the couch. Tigger turned to me and said, “Mommy, we need another little boy just like me.” My heart sped up thinking, but what if it’s a girl? Will he be disappointed? What will he think? How would be break that news to him.

A week later we found out the Tigger and Lion will be having another little brother. In all senses, there’s relief that it’s a boy. Then there’s all the worry that another pregnancy is having that I’ll get into later. And then there’s that little voice wondering if we’re supposed to have a little girl in the family at some point.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m thrilled to death we’re having another little boy. I’m excited Tigger will have a brother to run around and rough house with. I’m exhausted just thinking of chasing after both of them. I’m overjoyed that we have three sons in our family. And the only thing to do now is enjoy the moment and wait to see what the future brings.