Now that I’ve actually admitted to being pregnant, lots of fears have come to mind. None of the fears are new but they’ve become more real. Many people have wondered if we would have another child. I’ve wondered that myself, except that a little while after Lion went home, both Hubby and I got the feeling that there was one more child waiting for us. That in itself is a scary thought. Add to that everything else and I’m very glad that I haven’t had the time to think too much about it until recently.
Blessings come in all sorts of different ways. The fact that I was so busy for January and February was one of those blessings. Had I had the time to think about what happened last year along with the potential of an addition to the family, I’m not sure I would have been able to stay sane. It’s only been in the last week or so that I’ve relived and thought about different experiences with Lion. Then looking at pictures and watching Tigger play with Hubby I’ve had moments I’ve had to keep the tears at bay because I won’t have a picture of Tigger and Lion jumping on Hubby. I won’t have a picture of my three boys together with Hubby. Some of those things that others may not think are that big of a deal, I won’t have. At times that is a very depressing thought.
Those are minor things when I look at all the medical things that I’m trying not to freak out about. I have a friend in the medical field that also had to bury a child recently. She said that sometimes ignorance really is bliss. I completely agree with that statement. Lion’s pregnancy was pretty much worry free. This one, not so much. And even though we’ve already done chromosomal testing and so far everything looks normal, in the back of my mind there’s always that doubt.
And at this moment my mind has shut down. I’m having a hard time even putting a complete thought together, so this is going to have to do for now.