Sometimes I wonder if we did Tigger justice in his time with Lion. He wanted to help and I did the best I could to allow him to, but there were so many things that could and would have hurt both of them. He wanted to play with Lion in the front room but we could just move things as quickly as his attention span at the time would allow. Someone asked me if I got a picture of Tigger holding Lion and I don’t think Tigger ever actually held Lion.
With this new baby, I feel like we are talking more about him. Tigger is patting my tummy more, even kissing it. He’s asking about his brother more and it makes me wonder if we didn’t do that when we were expecting Lion.
At the same time, we did get a doll for Tigger and treated him like Lion. We changed his clothes, taught him how to hold Lion, put the doll in the baby swing. In fact, when family members asked where his brother was he’d say, “At home,” because we had left him in the baby swing. :) I have a cute picture of the baby doll with a fruit snack stuck in it’s mouth because Tigger wanted to share. Of course I can’t find it when I want to post it, so I think I’ll just do one post sometime with all the pictures I haven’t been able to find right when I want them.
I know that part of this is age. Tigger is more aware of things now than he was then, but I still wonder. I worry about him if something happens to the new baby. How would Tigger react? Would he understand again? What would it do to him emotionally? Especially since he is so much more aware this time around. I worry about him.
Just like any parent, I worry about Tigger in so many ways. He’s continuing to assert his independence and becoming more defiant and all that good stuff. Some of his behavior makes me wonder if he’s angry with the loss of Lion or if he’s hurting or if he’s okay with the whole situation. Some people say that he won’t remember because he was so young. I don’t think I believe that. Children feel ever so much as deeply as adults, they just may not know how to express them. I worry about him.
But the only thing I can do is continue to pray and ask for help. I’m not sure what else to do. I trust The Lord. I trust that He will help us through. I trust that. I cling to that trust when I feel all the worry, anxiety, and stress of everything is crashing down on me. I trust Him. Hopefully everyone can learn to develop that kind of trust. It’s amazing the peace and calm that it can bring in the most desperate times.