CONFESSIONS OF A MOM

I will admit that we’ve/I’ve had a harder time since Lion passed than I did during those eight days he was with us. Doubts have crept in and in a way, it’s to be expected. Did we do all we could do to help him? If we had done something different would it have made a difference? Would he have lived longer? Did I do something to shorten his life?Did he know that he was loved?

Then other questions make their way into the forefront. Why? What are we supposed to learn from this? I want to me angry. I want to blame someone. I want to be mad. But I can’t. There is no one to blame. We didn’t to anything wrong. In fact, every doctor we talked to afterward told us that no one was to blame. It was one of the first things out of their mouths. Trisomy is only of those anomalies they don’t understand. It’s something that just happens. There is no one to blame.

I want to be angry and mad at someone, anyone. The most logical finger pointing that can be done is at The Lord. But even then, I can’t be mad or angry at Him. He has a plan. I trust Him in that He knows what’s best for me and my family. Everything happens for a reason and according to His plan. The only thing we can control in these situations is how we react to them. I can’t be mad.

There have been too many blessings, too many tender mercies, too many arms put around me for me to react with anger. Here are two of the biggest blessings I’ve seen.

1. Had we known that Lion had Trisomy 13 beforehand, we would not have had the eight days with him. It’s that simple.

This is the biggest blessing besides having the privilege of taking Lion home for those few precious days.

I have met several other mom’s that have had trisomy babies, and I think the longest one lived was six hours. Most trisomy babies die in uteral. The fact that he was born and lived long than a day is a miracle in itself.

As callused as this sounds, had we known beforehand, Lion would not have been treated the same in the hospital. Since they didn’t know exactly what was wrong with him, they put him on oxygen, tested his blood sugars, and a few other things. They wouldn’t have done that had we known. He would have been labelled as “incompatible with life,” or something like that, and they would have made him comfortable. That’s it. We know that our lack of knowledge got us the time we had with him.

He was a powerful missionary for the time he was here. His nurses loved him. One of them even said that this situation changed her way of thinking about these babies. She said that every baby deserves a chance to go home.

His influences was felt near and far. For months I would hear how our experience effected someone. Lion was a powerhouse, much like his brother. Lion still is a powerhouse only on the other side, and I have no doubt that he and Tigger will be helping each other out along the way.

1. I learned that I can and should lean on my family and friends as well as my husband and my Savior. 

I/we need others, especially The Lord. I have never felt so buoyed. I have never been on the other side of so many prayers. I have never been so strengthened. It was hard when I felt that extra comforting spirit start to recede. I’m not saying that it’s gone, it’s just not so much in the forefront. I learned to rely heavily on it, much more than I ever have before.

It has taught me a whole to meaning to the scripture, “. . . to mourn with those who mourn, and to comfort those who stand in need of comfort . . .”

How blessed we are.