CONFESSIONS OF A MOM

In reviewing Lion’s short time with us, I realize that I have left so much out. It’s hard to include everything, especially when you’re trying to keep it to a certain length. Things will continue to pop up and memories will be shared, but I want you to know if you ever have any questions, please feel free to ask them and if I can, I’ll answer them. 

The week after Lion returned home was another experience in itself. Hubby called Hospice who called the mortuary. We called each member of our family and tearfully told them Lion had gone home. When the mortuary called, I was surprised by one of their questions and incredible impressed with how soft spoken and considerate each person was.

They asked if we wanted them to come get Lion’s body right away or if we wanted to wait until the morning. Thinking about it now, I can see how people would want more time, but at that moment we decided to have them come out. We took out his feeding tube, changed his diaper for the last time, wrapped him in a blanket, and carried him out to their van.

The gentleman who drove the van was incredible respectful. Hubby talked to him a little bit saying something to the effect that he could never do what the driver’s job. The gentleman’s response was something that we heard a few times again from the people that helped us at the mortuary. He said that he felt like this was his calling. He felt like this was what he was supposed to do to help comfort those in need. I have to say that those are special people.

After giving me a tender smile, he had me put Lion in a little Moses basket right up front, then he slowly drove away. Hubby and I then got in our car and drove to the temple. We sat in the parking lot and just talked. The only thing I really remember about the conversation was Hubby saying that he now knows what hell is like.

We both slept for the first time in over a week that night, although I had fallen asleep with a stuffed bear my good friend gave me. I woke up holding it, thinking that I help Lion in my arms. I was afraid to move fearing that I would accidentally knock Lion off the bed. I still have that happen some nights.

The following week was spent picking out a burial plot, planning a funeral, figuring out how to move forward, and all the other details associated with that. It felt like such a whirlwind, and all things considered it was. We went from expecting to have two children, to finding out we had one who would need extensive surgeries, to learning he had a terminal condition, to learning how to care for what I guess one would call a special needs child, to planning, and taking part in a funeral. That’s a lot to take in in a matter of eight days.