CONFESSIONS OF A MOM

Have you ever relived a past experience and just kicked yourself for how you reacted or what you said or even what you did? I’ve done a lot of that these past few weeks. How I wish I could turn back time for many things, some of them more recent than others. I’m not sure how to stop those things from happening. Sometimes I wish my memory wasn’t very good (although that’s dwindling with having kids). Not that I’m bragging on having a good memory. Frankly I’m surprised at what I remember and what I don’t. It can be the tiniest, little detail of something that happened years ago for something that I can recall, but I can’t remember what I ate yesterday. :)

Sometimes I have a hard time letting things go and I’m thinking that’s why I seem to relive all the stupid moments of life. I’m working on it but it doesn’t make it any easier. As long as we’re learning from the past right . . . ?

And I’m doing it right now. I had a thought for what to write next and between the time I had the thought and my fingers began to move, I’ve already forgotten. :( So frustrating.

Anyway, along with reliving those moments, I feel a bit like it’s been a Mommy’s fail week. It’s most likely nothing more than being incredible tired and worn out, but I feel that way nonetheless. I think what triggered it is reading someone’s post and hearing a couple other people with newborns talk about how their babies are sleeping through the night at 4 weeks or they get a 12 hour night at 3 months and how it was worth sticking to a schedule and all that. Can I just say that’s incredible frustrating too?

I don’t know how many of you out there have children like that. If you do, you are very blessed. If you don’t, you are blessed too but in different ways. I do not have children like that. And I don’t care how many people say every baby should be able to sleep through the night and it’s something that’s trained and it’s not up to the child but the parent or that it’s a copout to say that some kids are better sleepers than others. (I’m sure I’m missing some of the sayings.) It’s not true. And you may say that I’m wrong in that statement, but that’s my belief.

Here’s why.

I did everything by the book with Tigger, and I mean everything. I had him on a schedule. I followed everything little thing the books said to do to get your baby to sleep through the night by a certain age. It didn’t work. Tigger didn’t sleep through the night for a long time, and even now I’m very grateful every night he sleeps without waking up. He wouldn’t sleep without me holding him.

Again, people will say that’s my fault. Just remember, I did everything by the book. I didn’t hold him all the time. I let him cry it out. I did it all and he still didn’t/wouldn’t sleep.

So with Bear I’ve tried things a little bit differently thinking it might help. It hasn’t. I’ve tried to get him on a consitent schedule and he flat out won’t follow it. Maybe I’m not good at letting him scream it out but to me if a child is hungry you feed him even if it’s not according to “the schedule.” And everytime I feed him he eats an entire meal. It’s not like he’s snacking.

Anyway, it can be irritating when people say things like that. To me, every child is different and some children are sleepers. Others are not. Bear still doesn’t have things figured out, although he’s doing better. It’s one of those things.

I am very blessed though. I have three handsome boys and a wonderful husband with family close by. Life is good, even through the eyes of a very sleep deprived person. :)