So, I left you with the question, how would you answer if someone asked you if you were going to have more kids?
I never thought too much about this question. Well, that's not entirely true. When Hubby and I were first married, that question came up. I just shrugged whenever it came up. I honestly didn't know. We were married for four years almost five before Tigger came along. I'm sure there were people who "judged" us for not having kids right away, but at the same time people need to be careful about making that judgement (me included. I find myself wondering about others.). We don't know if someone can't have kids or if they're having issues or what's going on. Whenever people have kids is up to them.
Anyway, after Tigger came along I didn't think too much about "the question." I thought we were done. When the question came, I adamantly said we were done. Then the more I saw Tigger and his personality I realized he needed a sibling. I swallowed those words and Lion came along. Obviously, things didn't go as planned. That's when "the question" became very sensitive.
Now, you need to know that I know every time someone asked me that question I knew it was with the best of intentions. That didn't change how it hurt just a little bit though. I know some women who have been in similar situations who have been counseled to get pregnant again right away. I know women who have gotten pregnant right away. I have heard women say that if something like that every happened they would get pregnant right away. I respect each persons decision with all my heart, but that was not me in any way shape or form. I couldn't even think about another child. It felt almost like I was denying the fact that Lion was with us.
In fact, there was one week when I had five different people ask me if we were going to have more kids. I hadn't even put all of Lion's things away yet. It had only been about a month or two. I answered very nicely, but the grass hadn't even grown over my son's grave and I'm supposed to think about another child? I struggled with that.
Needless to say, I've had a harder time with "the question" this last year. Even though we were told that having a trisomy 13 baby is an anomaly. They don't know why it happens and the chance of having another trisomy baby is like being hit by lightening twice. We were told that everybody who has a baby has a 3% risk of having a birth defect. Now, we have and added percent to that. Then as I get older that percentage gets higher. (Our real risk is of having a trisomy 21 baby, also known as Downs.) So number wise, the risk doesn't seem high. But . . . there's still that chance, slight as it might be, that we could have this experience again.
Now, with that knowledge, when someone asks me that question I kind of give them a shorter version of that with my standard, "I don't know" answer and leave it with, "It's the burden of the risk" right now. We know what are risks are and basically do we want to take a chance with it again.
Please, don't take this post the wrong way. If you've happened to ask me this question, please don't take offense or feel like you need to apologize. It's not necessary. It's one of those things and everyone looks at things differently. Just know that it can be a very sensitive subject to people. As curious as I've been with some of my friends (because I know they'll make great parents and such cute kids!), I will not ask them because I know what happens in my mind when I get asked "the question."
So, this holiday season, enjoy your loved ones. Remember that Christ is the reason we celebrate this holiday. Know that you are loved, you are special, and this is a wonderful time of year. :) Merry Christmas!