Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Work In Progress Wednesday

This is going to be a quick one. I managed a shower and eating before the baby began to stir. Now I'm running to get this done. Should have done it last night when I thought about it. Oh well, we live and learn!

Anyway, I'm working hard on my query letter and synopsis for Encoded Secrets. I've had several different opinions on the query letter so I thought I'd ask you. Keep in mind, it's still a "work in progress" but I'd love to know what you think.

The purpose of a query letter is to catch the agent/editor's eye. Think of it as a back cover blurb. Which one do you think is more catchy and if you can explain why that would be great! If not, which one do you like better. Thanks so much!

1. Georgina Blackinsworth is not a typical eighteen-year-old girl. While other girls attend dance and piano lessons, she gets combat, weaponry, and assassination training. Not only that, but her dad puts her through “If this happens . . .” drills to make sure she is prepared for all possible scenarios. Now, as her classmates focus on high school graduation, Georgie finds herself locked in a family battle.


Kent Blackinsworth, Georgie’s dad, leaves town and fails to return. Georgie thinks it’s just another drill and blows off all signs indicating otherwise until she finds a letter which explains why she’ll never be typical and leaves her doubting if her dad is alive. Now she must discover the location of a family vault while avoiding her aunt Edith who will stop at nothing to gain access--including murdering her own sister.


With the help of her best friend Jake, Georgie begins a journey full of clues and discoveries. She finds she is falling in love with Jake and trusting him despite all evidence telling her she is making a mistake. As trust fights against her an ultimatum is set: find the vault she knows nothing about or Dad dies.


2. Georgina Blackinsworth just wants to be normal. She wants to do regular things like fall for a the hot boy in class, go to prom or even get to school without worrying about being attacked, but “It’s not practical for you.” says her dad, Kent Blackinsworth. Now as her classmates focus on high school graduation, Georgie finds herself locked in a family battle.


When Georgie’s dad leaves town on business and fails to return, she thinks it’s just another one of his wacky drills and blows off obvious signs he’s not coming back. It’s not until she finds a letter explaining why she will never be normal and leaves her questioning if her dad is still alive that she realizes it’s not a drill.


Now she must race against the clock, following clues to a family vault while being hunted by her murderous Aunt to save her dad. Not only that but she finds herself battling feelings for her best friend Jake, the hot boy in school who tags along, and trusting him--a big no-no in her family.


3. Georgina Blackinsworth just wants to be normal. Instead she gets weaponry, combat, assassination training and is run through “If this happens . . .” drills at the insistence of Kent Blackinsworth, her dad. Not what she wants to be doing while other girls attend dance and piano lessons.


When Georgie’s dad leaves town and fails to return, she blows it off thinking it’s just another one of his silly drills. Not until she discovers a letter explaining why she will never be normal and leaves her questioning if her dad’s alive does she realize he’s not coming home.


With the help of her best friend Jake, she begins down a path of clues, discoveries and danger while being hunted by her murderous aunt. Not only that, but she finds herself battling feelings for Jake and trusting him--a big no-no in her family. As trust works against her an ultimatum has been set: find the vault or dad dies.

5 comments:

  1. I think I like #3 the best! Bonnie, I'd love to read more of your book(s)!! I hope you and that cute family of yours is doing well! I miss you more than I can say. Wishing everyday that AZ wasn't so far from my WX (woods cross.) If there's anything I can do for you, you know I'm always here for you! you are the best!

    Love you lots,
    Katie

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  2. oh, and the reason like #3 the best, is that it sums up the main story line while still leaving room for imagination - and the last sentence is my favorite: "As trust works against her an ultimatum has been set: find the vault or dad dies." I like the looming feeling of responsibility it gives.

    In my opinion, (which is nothing like an actual critic) I think it gives the best summation of Georgie's past, present and discloses well the possibilities of her future.

    Does that make sense?? Anyways, I'm anxious to see/read it someday! It sounds really really good!

    Love you,
    Katie

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  3. Thanks Kate! Love you tons and it does make sense. :) Hope all is well with you too.

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  4. I agree I like 3 the best. It puts all the summations together a little more coherently.

    I tweaked it a little.

    Georgina Blackinsworth just wants to be like everyone else. Instead she gets weaponry, combat, assassination training and is run through “If this happens . . .” drills at the insistence of Kent Blackinsworth, her dad. Not what she wants to be doing as a normal senior girl in high school.

    When Georgie’s dad leaves town and fails to return, she blows it off thinking it’s just another one of his silly drills. She realizes he’s not coming home only after receiving a letter that leaves her wondering if he is even alive, and answers an even bigger question, why she is not normal.

    With the help of her best friend Jake, she begins down a path of clues, discoveries and danger while being hunted by her murderous aunt. Not only that, but she finds herself battling feelings for Jake and trusting him--a big no-no in her family. As trust works against her an ultimatum has been set: find the vault or dad dies.

    Just a few lines here and there. Hope it helps if it doesn't.. sorry. I will keep it to myself next time.

    I am so excited to read it! Send me a blurb!

    When do you want to start up that book group from oh so long ago? :)

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  5. Okay, i'm 5 days late seeing this, but i had to put in my two cents. They all had things i loved about them, so i kind of mixed and matched. Something i noticed was in #1 it seemed to me like you were giving out too much info about your book. It's hard to find a happy medium--you want to grab attention, but you also want to have some tricks up your sleeve. You're a much better writer than i'll ever be, but i just wanted to put that out there. But either way, they are all great! I love them love them love them. Can't wait to see more!
    PS: it's okay if you want me to shut up...or maybe to just "Hush,Hush" ;) Loves!

    Georgina Blackinsworth just wants to be normal. Instead she gets weaponry, combat, assassination training and is run through “If this happens . . .” drills at the insistence of Kent Blackinsworth, her dad. Now, as her classmates focus on high school graduation, Georgie finds herself locked in a family battle.

    Georgie’s dad leaves town and fails to return. Georgie thinks it’s just another drill until she finds a letter which explains why she’ll never be typical and leaves her doubting if her dad is alive. Now she must discover the location of a family vault while avoiding her aunt Edith who will stop at nothing to gain access.

    With the help of her best friend Jake, Georgie begins a journey full of clues and discoveries. She finds she is falling in love with Jake and trusting him despite all evidence telling her she is making a mistake. As trust fights against her an ultimatum is set: find the vault she knows nothing about or Dad dies.

    ReplyDelete