THE BEAUTIFUL BALANCE by Michelle Wilson — @authormwilson #reviews #books

THE BEAUTIFUL BALANCE by Michelle Wilson. I have loved this book from the very beginning. I had the priveledge of reading through several of the first writings of this book and it has been so much fun to see it evolve and grow into what it currently is. Michelle shares such a beautiful message in a fun, approachable way. It is a great reminder of where one can and should be in their relationship with God. Even this time as I read it, I was again brought to see more improvements that I can make in my life. Lavinda and Carol's stories are truly inspiring. As I read what she wrote about my story, I see where I was and it puts my personal doubts and questions at ease. This is a fantastic read that I recommend for anyone and everyone. We all feel out of control at times (at least I hope I'm not the only one) and this book shares a good way to claim that personal control once again.

:) :) :) :) :)

Whether in your family, your ward, or your community, you've observed them: those noble individuals who are strong, patient, and stalwart in the face of adversity. When times are tough, how do they manage the challenging shift from victim to victor? Chances are they have figured out the balance of control—what they have charge of and what is in the Lord's hands.

Trying to manage the ups and downs of life can feel overwhelming, but fortunately we're not alone on this journey. With inspiring doctrinal insights and a healthy dose of humor, author Michelle Wilson inspires readers to let go of fear and find peace, even in the midst of lost jobs, health challenges, or everyday chaos at home. In a world that seems so tempestuous, The Beautiful Balance is a sweet reminder of exactly what we can control—ourselves—and what God controls—all the rest.

*A review copy was provided by the publisher in exchange for an unbiased review.

Tour Schedule:

Aug. 22nd

http://katiescleanbookcollection.blogspot.com/
http://fireandicereads.com/ 

Aug. 23rd

http://bonnieharris.blogspot.com/
http://www.singinglibrarianbooks.com/adults

Aug. 24th

http://mybookaday.blogspot.com/
http://rockinbookreviews.com/

Aug. 25th

http://ldsandlovinit.blogspot.com/
http://www.iamareader.com/

Aug. 26th

http://sweetlymadejustforyou.com/blog/
http://heidi-reads.blogspot.com/
http://melsshelves.blogspot.com/
http://literarytimeout.blogspot.com/ 

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CONFESSIONS OF A MOM — The Hershey Kiss

I had a hard time coming up with a picture to lead into this post, but I think this one will work well.

This is how the conversation went with Tigger the other night.

"Can I have one?" he asked.

"Not right now," I responded. (He was giving me a hug right before bedtime.)

"But I really want one."

"Great. Not right now."

"But I won't eat it."

"That's great. Not tonight."

"But I'm just going to take one and save it for the morning."

"No you won't."

"But I'm just going to put it on my dresser."

"I said no."

"But . . ."

By this time I have to admit that I was less than patient. It had been a long day, and Tigger was stalling for bed. I had gotten them out because I needed some chocolate therapy. I knew I should have hid them but I was slow on responding to my thought. So once again I lost my patience.

After he was in bed and my thoughts returned to this situation I felt bad for my lack of control. And, as it often does when I find myself in this situation, my thoughts turned to my relationship with my Savior. Do I push my Savior like Tigger pushed me? Do I refuse to take the first answer given to me? Do I continue to push after the same answer has been given multiple times? Does my Savior lose His patience with me?

The only question I can answer with assurance is the last one. No, my Savior never looses patience with me. As for how I respond to when answers are given me . . . I'm not a hundred percent sure. I would like to say that I don't push. That I do accept the answer given, and I think there are many times that I do. Then there are those other times.

Like Tigger, I'm sure that I push or I don't hear the answer given. Or I don't want to hear the answer that is given. I know that sometimes I feel I know best but I'm always humbled when things backfire. I feel like I'm drawn to this thought process a lot lately as Tigger is pushing and trying to figure out boundaries. It drives me crazy because he seems to think that anything and everything is up for negotiation, and he's good at negotiating. Hubby continually says that Tigger will make a great salesman or a great politician. His reasoning ability is amazing, and I'm finding I'm having to be very careful with the way I answer things. But I'm very grateful for the lessons he's teaching me. I'm grateful for the self-reflection that he is causing me to have. It is helping me become a better person.

So, I'm doing my best to have extreme patience at all times but I am continually falling short. It's part of the learning process. I'm working on it. But as I'm working on it, I'm reminded of the extreme patience my Lord and Savior has for me. He knows me. He loves me. He is always there for me. For that, I am eternally grateful.

CONFESSIONS OF A MOM

I found this plant last week for an extremely discounted price. Normally, I would pass by something that looks like this. It's broken, beraggled, brown in some parts and it just didn't look healthy. I kind of rolled my eyes and wondered why they were even trying to sell it. I'm mean really, who would buy a plant that looked like this?

But as I looked at other plants I kept being drawn back to this one. Maybe it was because I felt a lot like this poor plant: broken, stressed, overwhelmed, browning, and just down right ugly in a way. In the end, I picked up the plant because I felt like it just needed some TLC and I was just the person that could do such a thing.

I felt lighter and happier as I purchased the plant and was exited to get it repotted when I got home. I couldn't wait to see how my plant would thrive with some TLC and positive vibes. I also got to thinking about how often we might feel like this plant: a little broken, a little brown, a little down and out, in need of some TLC. Who do we turn to when we have those thoughts and feelings? What do we do?

A lot of times I'm not sure who to turn to. First, I have a hard time admitting when I feel that way. I have a hard time asking for help. Second, I realized that I need to turn to my Savior more when I feel that way.

Another reason I bought the plant is this . . .

Do you see it? The little light green part at the bottom. New growth. New life. New hope. So whenever we are downhearted there is always new hope to be found somewhere. Sometimes it's buried deep within us or deep within the situation, but there's always hope. Then, if we nurture that new hope, that new growth, it will grow and develop into something lovely that will eventually take over the old, broken, browning part of us.

So here's my happy plant now. I'm excited for the new growth on it. I'm excited for the opportunity to watch it grow. I'm excited for the lesson that I was able to learn from this little guy. I am loved, but sometimes we all need a little more TLC in our lives. I hope that when we find we need it, that we'll be able to turn to those who love us, including our Savior.

And can I just say . . . How blessed I am. I hope everyone has a great day! :)

CONFESSIONS OF A MOM

Be Happy With Your Mountain. 

Conquer Your Mountain.

Don't Look At The Mountains Of Other People. 

Enjoy Your View. 

You're Okay. 

I'm Okay.

Life Is Good.

CONFESSIONS OF A MOM

Yes I'm getting this up late, but that's the way the week has worked out. Somehow this week has just blown up and was really busy. As I look back on it now, in a way it was a blessing. I had moments every day when I thought about my little Lion and tears came to my eyes. I'm afraid if I hadn't had things going on that I would have broken down a lot more.

Last Saturday we had a memorial/birthday celebration for our sweet Lion. That morning Tigger asked who the party was for. When we told him he immediately asked, "Is he going to be there?"

"Probably, but we won't be able to see him."

"Oh."

That brief conversation got me choked up, but we had a wonderful celebration. We miss him daily and are thankful that we will see him again someday. Here's a picture of the present we got Lion for his birthday. Tigger helped pick the balloons and you can't really see it, but there's a dragonfly solar light.

Happy Valentine's Day and We Miss You Little One.

Happy Birthday My Sweet Little Lion. How you are loved and missed.

CONFESSIONS OF A MOM

I've been trying to find things throughout the week that I consider beautiful. I've been taking pictures of those things with the intent to share them here. I found several things this week thinking I've have a stock pile but as I sit to write this post, my mind is a complete blank.

This time of year always seems to be overwhelming for most people. (I think that's safe to say.) Whether it's by our own doing, (saying yes to everything rather than saying no. Trying to do too much. You know, that sort of thing) because of the loss of someone special, (the holidays always make those losses feel more accute), or the simple fact that it's a busy time of year, it has most people running around like a chicken or an elf or whatever creature you want to place here, with their head cut off.

So in light of trying to remember the real reason we celebrate this season and for trying to slow down enough to enjoy those beautiful, little moments, I'm going to share all of the photos I took this week. (I thought I took more than 2 but oh well. These are from our citrus trees in the back.)

Merry Christmas. Hang In There. Treasure the Little Things. :)

CONFESSIONS OF A MOM

It's amazing how quickly the weekend comes these days. It's hard to believe that four years ago Tigger bounced his way into our lives. (He also decided today that he's not really four, he's still three because four is too big. Not sure I'm following the logic since he also said he could be five but he's not four.) It's hard to believe how life has changed since then too.

This week Hubby showed me an email from a gal he works with. Their baby ended up with a severe heart defect that requires surgery. They didn't know before hand and almost lost her. I had a hard time reading the email with the words a blurred from the tears in my eyes. With all the technology we have today, I'm amazed that there is still so much unknown yet at the same time I watched via FB another friend's twins who were born almost three months early fight and survive with the help of skilled doctors, nurses, and technology. The girls are now home with their parents.

I can't help but think and know that one of the reasons people aren't finding out about issues their child have in utero is because they will be given a better chance of surviving if we don't know ahead of time. I know that may not make sense on many levels but it makes sense to me.

We all have our trials. Sometimes that trial is learning how to deal with the consequences, good and bad, of a lack of knowledge. It's an interesting concept to think about, and every once in awhile I ponder what that means, especially in relation to Lion. Had we known ahead of time we wouldn't have had much time with him. Other families I know may not have been able to have their baby at home if they had known of the condition ahead of time. If we knew everything it would sure make some decisions easier, but then how would we grow?

Anyway, I'm trying hard to enjoy life at the moment. This time of year seems to have us all spread thinner than usual, and a little more stressed than usual. This topic is probably not the best thing for some to ponder when stressed but I've found it strangely comforting in knowing that things happen exactly the way they are supposed to despite our knowledge or lack there of. Just know that we aren't supposed to know sometimes, as hard as that may be, and enjoy the journey. Wishing you a very Merry and stress-free Christmas! ;)

CONFESSIONS OF A MOM

This picture is one of Lion’s roses in bloom. Hubby and I saw this rose bush as we were looking for something else. We both had the same thought and brought it home with us. 

Anyway, I wanted to make sure to do a Thanksgiving post this year because there are so many things I have to be grateful for. So here it goes . . .

• I am grateful for my wonderful family which includes my immediate and extended family.
• I am grateful for a loving, kind, supportive Hubby.
• I am grateful for three little boys who are teaching me many lessons in life. 
• I am grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ.
• I am grateful for the knowledge of the resurrection.
• I am grateful I know where Lion is and that I will see him again.
• I am grateful for this beautiful world we live in. There is so much good that I believe is overlooked at times.
• I am grateful for wonderful, supportive friends and neighbors.
• I am grateful for smiles. :)
• I am grateful for laughter.
• I am grateful for animals, even though they always end up being more work.
• I am grateful for the time we have.
• I am grateful for trials and how they help us learn and grow.
• I am grateful for the temples of the Lord.
• I am grateful for good books.
• I am grateful for beautiful music and how it uplifts the soul.
• I am grateful for a cool breeze on a hot day.
• I am grateful for the rain.
• I am grateful for the freedoms I have and those who have sacrificed to safeguard those freedoms.
• I am grateful for those who are willing to serve in any compacity—civil, military, ecclesiastical, etc
• I am grateful for food, even though I don’t like to eat.
• I am grateful we can drive to the store and purchase things.
• I am grateful for hard work.
• I am grateful for the plan of salvation.
• I am grateful for the Atonement.
• I am grateful for life.

There is so much to be grateful for. This season I pray we/I won’t forget to be thankful for all we have. Happy Thanksgiving!

CONFESSIONS OF A MOM

I was reminded by a dear friend about something from my last post. Often times we are not close enough to overhear what people are saying who are going through hard trials. Distance limits us it what we are able to do. However, it does not limit our ability to pray. She said she prays hard for those individuals that they will have the comfort they need. And she’s right. We should and can pray for those who are struggling.

Looking back on my experience with Lion brings many things into view. I didn’t realize how much we were sustained through those weeks. I felt those prayers that were being sent my way, our way. I felt the comfort and the strength from those prayers. It was an amazing feeling. I can still remember the day that extra help was lifted. It was a noticable difference in not only the air around me but in the feelings I had. It was almost like I was being set down after being carried for awhile. The added warmth wasn’t there but I still felt the comfort.

I can testify to the strength and blessings that are given to those we pray for. And it’s not only saying a prayer but asking for specific things. Bless so and so with the added strength and comfort they need at this time has an added power than a general bless so and so. Or being able to not only ask for a specific person but for a specific purpose. Bless so and so who is struggling with this . . . or something like that. There is an added blessing and power to specific prayers. People feel them. They are a strength. They lift and bless those lives. It’s an amazing thing that the Lord has given us.

Last week I said I’d begin sharing some of the doctrine Hubby found comforting while researching what the apostles and prophets have taught about the plan of salvation and infant deaths. Well, due to the fact that I was asked to speak in church and the holidays that have snuck up on me (please tell me I’m not the only one that feels like they came early and yet late at the same time), I’m not prepared to share those yet. So forgive me and hang in there. They are coming.

I’ll end with some gratitude, since it is the season. :)

• I am incredible grateful for the power of prayer, and not only prayer but specific prayers.
• I am grateful for good friends and family who continually teach me, stretch me, and help me to grow.
• I am grateful for the love, guidance, and support of a loving Father in Heaven and Savior.
• I am grateful for this beautiful world.
• I am grateful for how precious life is.
• I am grateful for the many opportunities life has given me.
• I am grateful for laughter.

My list of gratitude will get longer, but for now . . . what are some things you are grateful for?

CONFESSIONS OF A MOM

I apologize for last week. We went on a family trip and I completely forgot about posting. :) It was a great trip though. Here’s a picture, Hubby took. I tried for awhile to get one like this and of course he got it within a couple minutes. Gotta love it!

There have been many things over the past couple of weeks that have made my heart ache. I’ve watched a couple of friends morning their children who have passed. It’s still very new for both of them, one of which celebrated a birthday for their loved one. How I wish I could take their pain away.

This is going to seem like a very abrupt transition, but it all ties together. Hubby is a great researcher. When things happen, he digs into things to find truths, facts, anything that will give him more knowledge on the situation. Me, I’m not that way. I haven’t figured out what I do in situations other than pray.

With Lion, he researched not only the trisomy 13 syndrome but church doctrine on the plan of salvation and talks from apostles and prophets on the loss of children. I have watched him share with countless people these doctrines that have been so comforting to him. I have even shared on his behalf, and I realized recently that I haven’t read those articles yet. I need to.

I remember a friend of mine asking what I found comforting during the time right after Lion passed. What can others do to help. That is a very hard question to answer, and I don’t think I ever talked about it. I think I will now since I’m on the other side of things this time. I think I will also share those truths that Hubby has researched. Maybe they will help someone or maybe they will help you help someone, because we all need support, especially when dealing with a trial like losing a child.

A hug and telling someone you love them is always a good start in any situation. After that it’s easy to feel lost as to what to do. Then comes the question, “What can I do to help?” Chances are, they don’t know the answer. They’re barely keeping it together. It means a lot that there are people willing to help, and they may even feel bad that they can’t come up with anything (which I know is never the intent of that question).

So, rather than asking that question, watch and listen. You will think of or hear things in passing that you can do to help. Then just do them. Don’t ask, just do them. You can do them anonymously or not. Meals, watching kids, quietly getting house work done, taking care of animals, gardens, garbage cans, anything you can think of will be greatly appreciated even if they don’t know it at the time. I had someone make me a CD of songs that she loved to listen to after she had a child pass. It was greatly appreciated, although it took me a little while to recognize what she had done for me.

Hopefully, this gives you an idea of what can be done. Hopefully you can help someone in any situation with these suggestions, and over the next few posts, I’ll share the articles Hubby shares with friends who are going through a similar experience.

CONFESSIONS OF A MOM

I went to the funeral of a friend’s sweet little boy last weekend. Hubby knows the couple well and knew a ton of people at the funeral. I got the feeling again that it was a mini reunion. I remember feeling that when we were planning Lion’s funeral. It’s a really sad excuse to have a family reunion, essentially. So as he’s saying hi to everyone, I’m struggling to keep the tears at bay. I remember feeling unsure of how to greet people who were crying and I wanted to be strong for this sweet mom who was going through something I wish no one had to go through.

The casket was closed by the time we got there and I have no idea if it was ever open but in a way I’m glad it wasn’t. I had a hard enough time looking at the beautiful pictures of this little one with his family and by himself. I’m not sure I would have been able to handle really seeing him.

As we sat in the chapel for the funeral service it all felt surreal. Watching the little boys father carry in the beautiful, white casket threw me back to when Hubby carried Lion’s casket into the chapel. The music was perfect. The talks were wonderful. I lost it when the events leading up to when their precious little one went back home. Their experience was much more traumatic than ours but the end result was the same. And my heart broke for them all over again.

I think I squeezed Hubby’s hand too hard but it felt like I had to hang on to ground myself. I cried more at this funeral than I did at Lion’s but I truly believe that’s because I was in shock then. I hadn’t had the time to really process what had happen and what we were doing. The whole time I sat there thinking, we’ve been through this. We’ve actually done this. We’ve felt and are still feeling those things.

Some of the statements I overheard family members make were exactly what we felt or heard our family members say. The emotions talked about in the funeral were what we felt at the time. I felt like the mom was much better prepared for her talk than I was. She delivered it with an incredible amount of composure while I’m sure her heart was breaking even more, if that’s possible.

Oh how I wish no one ever had to experience burying an infant. How I wish I could take that pain and heartache away. How I wish for so many things for those families that I know I can’t do. All I can do is be there as a support and love them. Hopefully my experience will help them get through the rough patches because unfortunately the worst is yet to come for them. Once the meals stop and family isn’t around every day and life moves on, you’re left with a hole and an ache that won’t leave. You don’t want life to move on and yet it does and everyone around you almost expects you to do the same.

I distinctly remember the feeling of emptyness when “life moved on,” whether I wanted it to or not. It was yet another challenge to face, but I know the only way I made it through is with the help of my Savior. The comfort I still receive from Him helps me deal with things as I relive the good and the bad of our precious time with Lion. How I miss Lion and wish he was with us, but I know he’s where he’s supposed to be.

If you’ve lost a loved one, know that my heart breaks for you and with you. But with the help and love and guidance from the Savior, you will make it. Even though it may feel like you won’t, you will make it.

CONFESSIONS OF A MOM

This week has been another lesson on perspective. A high school friend of Hubby and me had their five-week-old baby return home. It’s an experience I wish no one ever had to go through and yet many people are. It has brought back many memories and I’ve relived many of those precious times we had with Lion.

Here’s the perspective. As I’m complaining and struggling to get sleep, this sweet family is planning their child’s funeral. As I got frustrated with my kids this week for whatever insignificant reason, I remembered this family and what they are struggling with. Even now as Bear is waking up after not more than a twenty minute nap, I’m remembering how precious life is and how blessed we are to have Bear with us.

And as if the point needs to be driven home, there were several FB posts (I’m spending way too much time on that these days) of different friends with children or themselves in the hospital for various reasons. Life is precious and I’ve taken it for granted lately. I could easily blame the lack of sleep, but that would be an excuse. We are very blessed to have our health and to have wonderful healthy kids that keep us active. Life is short and we should savor every moment of it.

Along with learning of the death of this sweet baby, I have found myself fighting to not read into everything little thing with Bear and Tigger. Visions of my little ones in caskets want to push their way into the for front of my mind and I’m struggling to keep them at bay. Fears of losing my little ones are rising again, and as much as I’m there for this sweet family, I’m not sure I’m ready to see another little angel in a casket tomorrow. (If you haven’t figured it out yet, I usually write these posts on Friday night and schedule them to go live on Saturday morning.)

On a lighter note, Bear was able to be blessed last Sunday. It was wonderful to have so many family and friends around us. We missed those family members that were not able to attend and we’re ever grateful for the support of so many loved ones.

As I dressed Bear in a little white suit, my mind flashed back to the times I dressed Lion in his little white suit. Once for his blessing and the other for his burial. It brought tears to my eyes. Then as Hubby blessed Bear, I couldn’t help but envision one other person standing next to them. How we miss our sweet, little Lion.

I guess the point of this post is to not take life for granted. Give those you love a hug. Tell them you love them. Try not to wish time away because we just don’t know how much time we have with each other. I used to blow off these statements as a clique and didn’t really understand their meaning until recently. Don’t make the mistake I did and underestimate the truth to and the power of each of those statements.

CONFESSIONS OF A MOM

Have you ever relived a past experience and just kicked yourself for how you reacted or what you said or even what you did? I’ve done a lot of that these past few weeks. How I wish I could turn back time for many things, some of them more recent than others. I’m not sure how to stop those things from happening. Sometimes I wish my memory wasn’t very good (although that’s dwindling with having kids). Not that I’m bragging on having a good memory. Frankly I’m surprised at what I remember and what I don’t. It can be the tiniest, little detail of something that happened years ago for something that I can recall, but I can’t remember what I ate yesterday. :)

Sometimes I have a hard time letting things go and I’m thinking that’s why I seem to relive all the stupid moments of life. I’m working on it but it doesn’t make it any easier. As long as we’re learning from the past right . . . ?

And I’m doing it right now. I had a thought for what to write next and between the time I had the thought and my fingers began to move, I’ve already forgotten. :( So frustrating.

Anyway, along with reliving those moments, I feel a bit like it’s been a Mommy’s fail week. It’s most likely nothing more than being incredible tired and worn out, but I feel that way nonetheless. I think what triggered it is reading someone’s post and hearing a couple other people with newborns talk about how their babies are sleeping through the night at 4 weeks or they get a 12 hour night at 3 months and how it was worth sticking to a schedule and all that. Can I just say that’s incredible frustrating too?

I don’t know how many of you out there have children like that. If you do, you are very blessed. If you don’t, you are blessed too but in different ways. I do not have children like that. And I don’t care how many people say every baby should be able to sleep through the night and it’s something that’s trained and it’s not up to the child but the parent or that it’s a copout to say that some kids are better sleepers than others. (I’m sure I’m missing some of the sayings.) It’s not true. And you may say that I’m wrong in that statement, but that’s my belief.

Here’s why.

I did everything by the book with Tigger, and I mean everything. I had him on a schedule. I followed everything little thing the books said to do to get your baby to sleep through the night by a certain age. It didn’t work. Tigger didn’t sleep through the night for a long time, and even now I’m very grateful every night he sleeps without waking up. He wouldn’t sleep without me holding him.

Again, people will say that’s my fault. Just remember, I did everything by the book. I didn’t hold him all the time. I let him cry it out. I did it all and he still didn’t/wouldn’t sleep.

So with Bear I’ve tried things a little bit differently thinking it might help. It hasn’t. I’ve tried to get him on a consitent schedule and he flat out won’t follow it. Maybe I’m not good at letting him scream it out but to me if a child is hungry you feed him even if it’s not according to “the schedule.” And everytime I feed him he eats an entire meal. It’s not like he’s snacking.

Anyway, it can be irritating when people say things like that. To me, every child is different and some children are sleepers. Others are not. Bear still doesn’t have things figured out, although he’s doing better. It’s one of those things.

I am very blessed though. I have three handsome boys and a wonderful husband with family close by. Life is good, even through the eyes of a very sleep deprived person. :)

CONFESSIONS OF A MOM

Dreams. Living your dream. What is your dream? What have you sacrificed to make your dream a reality? Or have your dreams changed? Was it hard to let go if they have changed? Or do you wish that things had gone differently with your dreams?

This thought process was brought back to my mind this week when Hubby came home from a business trip. He had the opportunity to see a young, humble musician living his dream. Hubby was impressed with not only the talent but the sacrifice he and his family made to get him there. He was also impressed with how humble he was and who he thanked at the end of the performance.

At one point in time I had a dream of being a professional musician. I could have made it to, however, there came a point in time when I had to make a choice. Family or dream. Subconciously I chose family even though my actions may have stated otherwise for a little while. But I still have moments in time when I think of that dream and wonder . . .

I am very happy with where I am right now, minus the lack of sleep because Bear is waking up. :) Yet at times I really wish I had been able to make some of my dreams a reality. Maybe that’s why writing has become so important to me. Maybe that’s why the fact that I’m struggling to get anything written is becoming depressing. Maybe that’s why I don’t want to have to choose between writing and family at the moment. It would feel like I’m letting go of another dream.

Life is not easy and this is one of those things that seems to make it more difficult. How much are we willing to sacrifice? How much am I willing to sacrifice? Is there a way to have it a complete win-win? I’m not sure because life is full of give and takes. With those give and takes comes life lessons. So what am I supposed to be learning at the moment? I’m not a hundred percent sure beyond the standard patience and such.

So with dreams consently changing (at least it feel that way) I find it a hard knock sometimes when past dreams come to the surface again. Life is good though. Dreams are good too, but don’t be afraid to let them go and change them. I believe that’s part of the growth we have during this life. So go ahead and Dream Big! :)

CONFESSIONS OF A MOM

Well, here are the side-by-sides that I promised. Now that I look at them, they don't look so much alike. I'll be interested to see what you think. No, they are not in birth order and I tried to choose the pictures with the same pose or at least close too it. :)

This has been an interesting week. Bear is doing better at night when I stop and think about it, but I ended up sick so everything just feels like it's much worse than it is. I find myself trying desperately not to wish away this precious time. As I'm sure you know, time doesn't stop. I look at Tigger and shake my head. Where did the time go? So I know I can't wish away that time with Bear, but man it would sure be nice to get a little bit more than a few hours of broken sleep.

I have also been reminded of my previous statement of, "Sleep is highly overrated." I'd like to offically apologize for that. I am learning the value of sleep and learning to appreciate it much more than I ever have before. All I can say is it could be much worse. I am very grateful for what I have. I shouldn't complain.

Really that's been the week, fighting with myself to not wish time away at the same time I'm praying Bear will get just a little bit older so he'll begin to sleep longer at night. Everyone says it gets better, and I know it does, it's just hard to see in the middle of everything. Perspective. I need to remember perspective.

There's one other thing I've battled with this week. I know I don't feel well. I know my fuse is shorter than I'd like it to be. I know the little things are going to be the things that do me in. But even though I know this and I tell myself to keep my voice down (not much of an option right now since it's taking a vacation without me) and to not lose my cool I still do. I can be losing it at the same time my brain is telling me to take a chill pill. It's an odd feeling. I haven't figured out how to counteract it or to even follow what my brain is telling me.

It would be very easy to point blame. In fact that's what I do. I don't feel well so it's okay. I know my fuse will be short so it's okay. It's because of . . . I can sit here all day and come up with the excuses but in the end it's still me that has to take responsibility for how I'm behaving, just like what I expect from Tigger and eventually Bear. Take responsibility. It's a hard thing but somehow I'll figure out how to do it.

Anyway, let me know what you think of the pictures and have a fabulous week! :)

CONFESSIONS OF A MOM

“If you don’t do this by the count of three, you’re in a time out.”

Have you caught yourself saying that at some point in time? Or any variation of that statement? That’s been a very common phrase in our house over the last little while. It’s been interesting as we’ve worked on how to communicate and get through to Tigger. I also saw a situation from a different vantage point the other day too.

For the longest time I have shared my belief that kids need to be held accountable, they need to be allowed to make mistakes so they can learn, and they need to have consequences both good and bad. I remember thinking how parents just needed to stick to their guns and follow through. Not too much to ask, right?

Well, here’s what happened at our house.

I was getting Bear ready to get in the car. I asked Tigger to go brush his teeth and we were going to head to an open gym session. After I had everything ready for Bear and he was in the carseat, Tigger comes around the corner. “Come see what I did.”

Not exactly sure what I was going to be walking into, I follow Tigger into the bathroom where he shows me his artwork all over the counter. He had used toothpaste. I look at him and ask him if he made a good choice or a bad choice because we’ve already had the conversation of not squeezing the toothpaste all over the counter before. He responded appropriately and then asked, “Do I still get to go to open gym?” All I could say was, “I’m not sure.”

I ended up calling Hubby to ask him what he thought the consequence should be. Deep down I knew what it would be, I just didn’t want to deal with the aftermath. Of course Hubby agreed and I got to tell Tigger that he would not get to go to open gym. What I didn’t expect was what his reaction would do to me.

Tigger immediately cried and wailed, “I want to go to open gym!” “But I really want to go!” It broke my heart to see how upset he was. He had looked forward to open gym for awhile and now we were within minutes of going and he lost the opportunity to go. He was heart broken. I wanted to wrap him in a hug and take him to open gym. I wanted to make him happy. I wanted to give in.

In the middle of the fit, I found myself debating inside. If I give in, he won’t learn the lesson and he’ll think he can get away with more things. If I give in the morning will go much smoother and he’ll stop crying. I want him to be happy, but I want him to learn, but . . . It was then I saw how and why parents give in and children get what they want even they probably shouldn’t.

At the end, we came to a compromise. Tigger agreed to no TV for the rest of the day and the next day in order to go to open gym. It worked well but I learned a very valuable lesson. One, don’t judge. :) Two, there’s most likely a compromise that can and will satisfy both ends. Three, stick to your guns.

Whoever said parenting was easy, lied. It’s hard, especially on no sleep and screaming children. Who am I kidding, it’s even hard without those parameters. But we do the best we can and learn as we go. I am very blessed to have three wonderful boys. Even though one is pushing buttons hard, another is on the otherside, and the third isn’t sleeping, I love them all and wouldn’t trade it for the world!

Side by side pictures next week . . . promise!

CONFESSIONS OF A MOM

I didn’t think the weeks could go by any faster and yet now they seem to be really flying by. Bear doesn’t seem like he’s only three weeks old. It feels like forever and he’s acting much older than he really is. I’m seeing just how grown up Tigger is and as happy as I am about it, I’m not too thrilled at the same time. Then all of it is making miss Lion even more.

With Lion, it felt like once I had mentally wrapped my head around things and had begun to develop a plan on how we were going to take care of our sweet little one as well as Tigger, Lion decided it was time to go home. I think I’ve been a little bit afraid of that with Bear. Tigger and I took Bear to the doctor at eight days. I didn’t put my thoughts together until recently on that. In a way, after we took Bear to the doctor I felt like I could wrap my head around things a little bit better. Maybe it is because we got past the eight day mark with Bear. (Lion stuck around for eight days.) I’m not exactly sure, but I feel like I’m adapting better now.

Bear still has days and nights mixed up but I’m a little more okay with that. I feel like I’m able to get more into a routine, or at least attempt to get more into it. I’m slowly adding things week by week and I know that eventually things will fall into place. It’s an interesting, comforting feeling.

I also had the wonderful priveldge or attending the sealing of a friend’s adopted little boy to them for time and all eternity. I was in tears before I even got to the temple. I’m not sure if it’s because of the peace and serenity that is always present at the temple or if I was feeling Lion close by. I’m sure it was a combination of both. What a wonderful blessing temples are. Through those sacred ordinances I know I will see Lion again. I look forward to that day.

This has been a learning week as I’m sure each week will be. I’m still working on patience with Tigger as he is testing the limits of things as well as my patience in everything around me. I feel like we, as a family, are beginning the craziness of the holiday season early. So, strap on your seatbelt and enjoy the ride!

CONFESSIONS OF A MOM

I had this week’s post all planned out. I was going to post a side by side of all three boys because it’s amazing how similar they all are. I had everything planned out and it’s not going to happen right now. It’s been another rough week.

Bear is doing better with sleeping longer during the night. He’s growing like a weed and drinking 2-4 ounces every feeding. It’s so much fun to see how attentive Tigger is with Bear. He helped me clean all of the baby toys and is constantly trying to get Bear to play with them. If I put Bear down, Tigger will lay next to him and sing to him, talk to him, and rub his head. It’s so sweet.

On the other hand, I have been the one that seems to have issues this week. I can’t seem to figure out how to take care of the boys and myself at the same time. It has really given me a deep appreciation for those who have more than a couple of kids. I don’t know how you find time to take care of yourself and the rest of your family. My hat goes off to you.

Please don’t take this next part as complaining because it is what it is. This will just give you and idea of what I’ve been dealing with physically on top of everything. I’m sure I’m no one special in these things but it’s my first experience with it.

Earlier in the week I developed a breast infection and am now on meds for that. Friday I ended up throwing up all afternoon. I haven’t quite figured out what brought that one, but again, it is what it is. On top of all that, my milk seems to be drying up. In a way it okay because of the pain of the infection. At the same time I’m beginning to feel like I’m a failure in a way. On the other hand, I had trouble keeping up with Tigger and with the amount Bear is eating I highly doubt I’ll be able to keep up with him for much longer anyway. It’s just an interesting play of emotions.

Overall, we are very blessed. Bear is heathly. Tigger is healthy. It feels like Bear has been with our family for a lot longer than two and a half weeks. I love my family and all they’ve done to help. I know I haven’t been the best at answer my phone and I haven’t returned calls well. I apologize for that. We are all doing well. Thank you for all the love and support you give us. We are truly blessed.

CONFESSIONS OF A MOM

My emotions have been very much on the surface this week. Whether it’s hormones, lack of sleep, memories, whatever it is it’s been interesting to look back on. I’ve found that I’m a little overly worried on things. Every doctor that has looked at Bear has said he’s perfect, but I still worry. 

It’s been fun to see Tigger interact with Bear though. He’s so excited. “When’s he going to get big, Mom?” “When’s he going to walk? We can help him do it.” It’s so sweet to see Tigger’s enthusiasm. It’s also been neat to see how much he cares. 

We went to the doctor’s this week and Bear got newborn blood screening done. (I can’t remember what it is called.) Of course Bear cried and cried. It brought Tigger almost to tears. “I don’t want them to take his blood anymore. I don’t want him to cry. Let’s sing him a song.” So we did. Tigger rubbed Bear’s leg and we sang I AM A CHILD OF GOD. Now anytime Bear cries, Tigger is the first to run in, take his hand and remind us to sing him a song. What a good brother.

Along with that, it’s been interesting to see what has triggered different memories of Lion. Anything from a piece of clothing Lion wore or the spitting up or singing songs. I’ve had sweet moments when all my boys have been asleep in my room and I sit there and smile wishing Lion was there, knowing that he might possible sitting by me.

I am very blessed though. I have three wonderful boys and a fabulous Hubby. We have a roof over our heads, food to eat and family who is right by. We have wonderful neighbors and friends and I’m just very blessed. So minus the fact that we’ve been mixing up everyone’s names and looking for pictures thinking I didn't have any of Lion because all three boys look so much alike, it’s been a wonderful, sleep deprived week. And this is something you will never hear me say again, but I am very grateful for the little sleep that I have gotten this week. Never in my life did I think I’d be grateful for three hours of sleep. :)