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Saturday, August 10, 2013

Confessions Of A Mom

It’s hard to begin in the middle of a life story. Things won’t make sense. As a writer, I know that’s the best way to begin a story. Drop the reader into the middle of the action, but I think it’s different with life. You need more of the background to truly understand.

Growing up, I LOVED Tigger. It only seemed natural to have that as our theme when we found out we’d be having a boy. Little did I know that Tigger would fit his personality perfectly.

Our first son joined our family in 2010 and hasn’t stopped moving since. He has literally bounced since day one, and ran since 9 months. As a newborn, I expected him to sleep a lot because that’s what people said newborns did. Well, the only way I could get him to sleep was to hold him, otherwise he was bright eyed all day long. It was crazy.

He really didn’t start napping until about eighteen months, and even then, he’d only go down if I was laying with him. I guess I can’t blame him for that. It’s my fault really. One could often find me saying, “Sleep’s highly overrated.” Can I take that back now?

Anyway, he has only one setting on him, high. The only time he slows down is when he’s tired, and even then it’s not much. People who have spent time with us have often asked, “Is he always like this?” The answer is, “Yes.”

That’s why when we began talking about expanding our family, I had my reservations. How would I keep up with him? I lamented the one-on-one time that would be lost with him as much as I worried over not being able to spend enough time with a new addition. I knew we’d get it all worked out, but it was overwhelming just thinking about how to make it happen.

Then we found out we were pregnant again.

Those worries really began to escalate. Then adding to that was a fear that came out the first time I was pregnant. I was really worried that someone would take my child. It wasn’t worry about loosing him or anything like that, but that someone would take him. It scared me to death.

The second time around was even worse. I had dreams where I couldn’t find him or that I saw someone take off with him and couldn’t catch him, you know, fun things like that. There was even a time I swore I heard voices in the house. I got out of bed to check on my son and didn’t see him in his bed. I woke my husband in a panic and searched the house, unable to find my baby boy. My husband found him tucked in his bed, safe and sound. I cried the rest of the morning from the residual fear.

Long story short, our second son joined our family in 2013. He surprised us with all sorts of medical problems. Ultimately, he was with us for eight precious days and returned home. Although I know with all my heart everything happens for a reason and I completely trust The Lord, I feel like in a way, my ultimate fear came to pass. 

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